Here is a beautiful story of open adoption that an amazing adoptive mother shared with me after finding my Trials to Blessings page. We had a 2 hour conversation by phone last night and I was honored to hear her adoption story! She is far from where I live but in those two hours I felt we were close and meant to find each other. Thanks for sharing Amber! I love your story! I look forward to the friendship we have started. Here is her story:
The Truth About Open Adoption
When choosing to become a parent through adoption (in some people’s case it’s not a choice) there are so many factors to consider: the age of the child you want to adopt, domestic or international, whether or not you’re willing to adopt a child with special needs, whether you want the adoption to be gender or race specific, etc. In filling out the application for adoption you are asked all of these questions and you check them off one by one as if you are custom ordering your child. The choices can be as picky or as open as you want them to be. Of course, the more open you are the higher the chance of placement.
One of the most important choices is whether or not to consider an open adoption. Each adoption is different and the way each family chooses to approach these new lifelong relationships is also different. Adoptions run the gamut from completely closed to completely open with many variations in between, and what works for one family may not work for others. For some, having a wide open adoption would prove too difficult either for the birth parents or adoptive parents, but the only question I asked myself was “What is in the best interest of THIS child in THIS case?” I know several adoptees that were raised with a closed adoption, and grew up feeling like they couldn’t approach their parents with questions about their biological family. For these adoptees, this later led to feelings of emptiness in not knowing where they came from and also led to ultimately questioning their identity altogether. Who are they? Who do they look like? What is their heritage?…and the list goes on and on.
I couldn’t fathom even POSSIBLY causing this type of void in our daughter Hope. Yes, as I said, I know every situation is different and in some cases the child NOT knowing their biological parents is the healthier choice for them, but this was not the case in our adoption and for that I’m so very thankful. The truth is, not all adoptions are the result of a child being taken away from their parents for some kind of neglect or harm. There are THOUSANDS of adoptions that are prompted by a birthmother deciding they simply are not able to give the child the life they feel they deserve and this, in my eyes, makes them SELFLESS. My daughter’s birthmother is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, and caring souls I have ever met, and so are the rest of her family.
“Momma Rachael,” as we call her, made the hardest decision of her life the day she signed those papers and handed our beautiful daughter over to my husband and I. She gave us the ultimate gift, one that we could never give ourselves and one that we are grateful for every single hour of every single day. I saw firsthand the courage and strength it took to make the choice she made. I saw the pain in her eyes and the tears rolling down her cheeks during the many times we shared our bittersweet cry-fests. We formed a bond during her pregnancy that is life-long. Because of that my husband and I were able to share in things that most adoptive parents miss out on like getting a copy of the sonogram, hearing the heartbeat, getting growth updates of the baby, and even being able to be with our daughter the whole time she was in the hospital after she was born. This is what being receptive to an open adoption afforded us and further shows the selflessness of Momma Rachael and birthmothers like her. I know I will never be able to find the right words to describe my gratitude and love for her, but I will do everything within my power to make sure that Hope knows what an amazing person her Momma Rachael is. I’m also eternally grateful to Rachael’s amazing parents for their unending support of her and the adoption! There are a lot of birthmothers who don’t have that kind of support system, and I know it was instrumental in giving her the strength to make the best decision for possible Hope. Rachael’s parents sure did something right in raising her and they too are very big hearted, great people!
Now, I say all of that to say this…
When someone asks me “Isn’t it difficult to be that open?” or says “Wow you are an amazingly strong person to be able to do that,” I know it’s because they don’t know the TRUTH ABOUT OPEN ADOPTION and how rewarding it can be for everyone involved. They’ve never been in the position I am in, or if they have been in a similar position no two adoptions are exactly the same. Are there emotionally difficult moments? Of course! But do the rewards exceed those? BY FAR!
Take the other day for example. We went to Destin to see Rachael in addition to Hope’s biological brother and sister, and Rachael’s parents Paul and Linda. We went out on a pontoon boat on the beautiful waters of Destin Beach and had the most amazing day you could imagine. We swam, laughed, grilled hot dogs on the beach, and spent a beautiful day with beautiful people. As I watched throughout the day I noticed that Hope was enamored with her siblings. They were attached at the hip ALL day from minute one until we left. Hope seemed to be especially close to her sister who is a few years older. They were inseparable to put it mildly. Ariana was the consummate big sister and took her roll very seriously. She was constantly jumping up to help Hope with this or that, holding her hand, playing with her, etc. When it came time to leave, we were giving hugs saying our “I Love yous” and goodbyes when I look over to see the biggest crocodile tears rolling down Adriana’s face. She didn’t want Hope to leave 
My heart immediately broke in two for this beautiful baby girl who didn’t want her little sister to go. We all started to cry. As I wiped my tears away I bent down and looked Ariana in the eyes, and I made her a promise that she would get to see Hope again and that I would make every effort to make sure they grow up knowing each other.
As we drove home my husband and I sat in silence for the most part. Hope was exhausted and fell asleep immediately after we started driving. I went through several emotions during that hour drive. I felt a small sense of guilt for having to leave with Hope, sadness for Ariana’s hurt, and happy that we had such a fulfilling day but overall as I thought about it I felt THANKFUL. Most of all I was thankful that we were able to spend such quality time with each other without any weirdness or issues as these situations can be difficult. I am also thankful that we have the type of adoption where Ariana, Eric, nor Hope will to go without knowing each other. I’m thankful that Hope will know what an amazing woman her Momma Rachael is. Lastly, I’m thankful that our child has another set of fabulous Grandparents to spoil her rotten!
My point is this…
I’m not going to lie and say that an open adoption is for everyone. I’m not going to lie and say there aren’t emotionally difficult moments. But that’s just what they are, moments! In the grand scheme of things our daughter has the best of both worlds. She has a mom and dad that she knows love her more than life itself and would move heaven and earth to ensure she has the best life possible. She also has a biological family that loves her equally as much and is willing to make the very difficult sacrifice of not seeing her every day to ensure the same quality of life! I know in my heart because of all of our willingness to put Hope’s interests above ours she will grow up into a beautiful, well rounded, big hearted, and VERY loved young lady! The bonus is we get an extended family out of it 
So stay open minded and open hearted to what God has planned whether it be closed or open adoption because the ultimate goal is to give your child the best life possible!
Adoption is so BEAUTIFUL!
